Strong, Independent… and Running on Empty

Let’s take a moment to talk about the high-achievers, the perfectionists, the strong, independent women who don’t need anyone. Oof, that used to be my mantra: “I’m a strong, independent woman, and I don’t need no one!”

Have you ever felt like you could take on the world alone? Because, let’s face it—you already have. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again.

But here’s the unfortunate truth: You freaking did it. You crushed it. And you keep crushing it. Goals? Pfft—just another box to check. Success? That’s the bare minimum. Hitting your goals? Whatever—onto the next.

People look at you in awe, saying, “How do you do it? You’re amazing! I could never! Wow, I’m so inspired by you!” And yeah, that feels good… until it doesn’t.

I know you know what I mean. The compliments come, and yet—they feel meh. You know it shouldn’t feel like this, but you can’t shake the emptiness. Maybe you even think, What’s wrong with me? They’re being nice… why do I feel nothing?

Let me tell you why. But first, let’s rewind for a second.

The Root of It All

Maybe you grew up knowing that, no matter what you did, you did it alone. Not because you wanted to. Not because you didn’t try to lean on others. But because the people who should have been there… just weren’t.

Don’t get me wrong—maybe they provided for you in all the physical ways. You had food on the table, clothes on your back, a roof over your head. Maybe others even told you how “lucky” you were.

But no one asked, How are you feeling?

No one said, Talk to me about your sadness.

No one held you when your heart was breaking.

No one told you, It’s okay to take a break—you matter more than your productivity.

So, what did you do? You turned inward. You transformed your hurt, pain, sadness, anger, and loneliness into power.

Why? Because you noticed something.

That one time you aced a test? You got praise.

That one time you won the game? You got cheers.

That one time you were quiet, organized, and didn’t cause problems? The household was calmer.

So, you learned: Doing something = love, praise, validation. And without realizing it, you tied your self-worth to achievement.

The Present Reality

Fast-forward to today.

You’re an adult, standing in the middle of everything you thought would make you feel whole.

You got the job.

You have the family.

You make the money.

You did everything you were supposed to.

And yet… you feel empty.

The constant need to succeed isn’t working anymore. You’re exhausted. Burnt out. You can’t keep up. You don’t even recognize yourself anymore. Maybe you find yourself crying for no reason, completely overwhelmed.

Girl, I see you. I get you. And I want to meet you where you are. Because enough is enough.

The Shift

Here’s the truth: You created a superpower to survive. And damn, did you master it.

But now? It’s time for something different. It’s time to go back and give your inner child the love and emotional support she deserved all along.

It’s time for self-compassion.

I’m not saying you have to stop chasing goals. I’m saying it’s time to level up—with self-care, self-love, and self-acknowledgment.

It’s time for those compliments to actually land.

It’s time to feel full.

It’s time to know—deep in your bones—that you are enough.

Your self-worth was never about what you do.

It’s always been you.

Alexis Gosselin, RCC

Thank you for reading. If this resonated with you, know you’re not alone. I see you, and I’m cheering you on. Let’s keep the conversation going!